It really is just one of those mornings. DST has a lot to do with it-I stay up way too late, but need to get up at same time in morning--it will take me about a month to find the rhythm I need. Until then....
Here is a copy of an email I just wrote to my friend Ellen--It's the other reason I'm feeling far from grace. It clearly makes me sound like an ungrateful, self-centered priest, of all things--and the wicked stepmother that I am...but nonetheless--might I just point out that what I'm describing below has been going on for 20 years. Might I also add how worn down (and selfish) I'm feeling this morning?
I need to unload. I'm sitting in Barnes & Noble now just because I need to get away from home. Yesterday I had a huge day because Mary Kate was at the church in Aspen. So I did 3 services, adult ed, and a confirmation class. Fit a lunch in for AnnaMarie for being received into the Episcopal church. She's our friend with lung cancer, although she is doing quite well now. Doug understood what a big day it was for me and how I was looking forward to coming home after 5 pm service and winding down.
You know where this is going, don't you? I was home for 30 min when Dan called and wondered if he could spend the night and wash some clothes. We have had a strict rule about his not staying with us at all, but I heard Doug saying on the phone, "I guess that will be all right. Let me ask Kay." How's that for setting me up as the wicked stepmother? I just looked at him, then he said "That will be all right, but you'll need to leave first thing in the morning."
Doug then pranced off for 3 hours to his Renaissance group and I was left with washer and dryer going ALL that time (the washer set on Hot), the smell of chicken cooking in the kitchen, and having to rescue my toothbrush and other stuff from the back bathroom and searching for the cord to my computer, which I found that Dan had taken in the back room to hook up the old computer to. I could have cried--for one reason, I was just so tired--especially with interacting with people all day. Second, I have this terrible sinking feeling that we're moving back in the groove of taking care of Daniel again. He showed up 3 times last week. We have given him more food cards. One more phone card And now, this morning? I have no idea. I left at 8:45 with both men sleeping and decided just not to go back until this aft some time. I give up.
I have decided:
1. to come live with you and take that little church in Cripple Creek.
or
2. To sell the Cedar condo and go in with you on a condo here where I might be able to get some peace and quiet
or
3. At least, come up to see you for a day or 2.
I'm feeling really discouraged, but I know it's also the time change that is so disorienting for me as well.
Thank you for letting me yell.
Love,
Kay
NIA this morning made a huge difference--we did dome different and healing moves--what would I do without it and without dance in general. I often tell people I'm off to my Latin class--and then have to explain--no, not the language (I've done that), but the dance for heaven's sake.
Niko still recovering from head injury. Last week, instead of writing session, we got together with Meg to talk about recovering from brain injuries, and it was good to hear the two of them talk about conditions, feelings, sensations that only those with these kind of injuries can relate to.
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